Sunday, September 8, 2013

Why owning a dog sucks

While out for a walk with my dog, I once again had to pull grass out of his asshole. Sometimes he eats grass from the backyard and it shows up in his shit the next day. If I'm lucky it will be a ball and he can push it all out in one go. This time he didn't get it all out at once so I had to take a plastic bag and grab the danging clump of diarrhea grass from his asshole and pull it out. The two pieces were so long that as I am pulling them out he begins to squat as if to take another shit. I pulled the grass out of his asshole and it made him feel like he was shitting! This reminds me of the time I witnessed him freaking out because he had another one of those shits and he couldn't figure out what was going on. He'd go to run but the grass knot hanging out his pooper hole would pendulum and come back to touch his ass so he'd sit. I watched him do this a number of times and each time he would sit and spin his head around to get a better view of what was hitting him in the ass and sticking to his fur. Funniest shit I've ever seen.


Next time my friend who has children wants to talk about how having babies is rough, I want to remind her that at least she isn't pulling lengthy shit covered grass out of her kids asshole.


2 comments:

  1. I have no children, as you know. I have owned dogs. I have pulled the following out of their asses: Chunks of a pink and blonde wig (those were two different ones on two different occasions), broken light bulb pieces, string, plastic grocery bags, erasers, a whole fucking pencil, numerous crotch pieces from my very expensive panties, bobby pins, rubber chew toys, tootbrush bristles, an unused tampon, and pieces from a Mac charger cord.

    Nothing surprises me anymore.

    "Next time my friend who has children wants to talk about how having babies is rough, I want to remind her that at least she isn't pulling lengthy shit covered grass out of her kids asshole." -- AMEN.

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  2. My dog now has a prolapsed anus so every other day or so I have to dawn a latex glove puncture the fluid filled sack and push the gland back into his "pooper". Also, since Kodi is kind of a spoiled asshole he can taste the pill I have to give him to prevent infection and will spit it out no matter my method of concealment. I simply open his mouth now and shove it down the back of his throat, he only gets a great now if he doesn't puke and/or bite.

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