A river of cliches
by Nathanael King
A man went cuckoo one day
and decided to paddle up a creek
without, well, a paddle.
“For heaven's sake,” he said to himself
in a tizzy. “I'm losing my mind and feel
six feet under.” Sitting on the bank, he
searched for any reason to not move
his old bones. “I'm too old for this shit.
I mean, my heart just isn't in it like it used
to be.” He tried convincing himself
to go the extra mile.
“If they can do it, damn it, so can I,”
he muttered under his breath at the
children paddling by.
“I don't mean to split hairs,”
a voice came to him suddenly,
“but you look like a fish out of water.
You from 'round here cowboy?”
The man turned to see a foxy lady
who seemed to glow larger than life.
“Oh for crying out loud,”
he jumped out of his skin saying. “You
scared the shit out of me.” “Oh I'm
sorry,” she professed, “looks like I
caught you with your pants down
around your ankles so to speak.”
Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof
the man stuttered for words, “yeah
well I'm not bending over backwards
to take the plunge.” “Suite yourself old man,”
she yelled to him as she ran for the waters edge,
“just go with the flow! Don't be such
a scaredy cat!” With his tail between his
legs, he ambled down to the water and
mumbled “well if you can't beat 'em,
might as well join them.”
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