"If I'm being honest, it scares me" a poem by NPFK

I raised the glass of tap water to my lips and thought,
"I still have ideas. I might never stop having ideas."
It's a liquid battle that comes and goes like the seasons do.
It ebbs and crashes against the front of my mind
a little more often than I would like to admit.
Its presence is much like Winter in that all I want to do
is bundle up and forget the nasty weather.
"It's okay to not write them down though, right?"
Yes yes yes I tell myself.
I am my own judge and jury
listening to new circumstantial evidence that proves one thing:
I might be going crazy.
"It's okay so long as you return to them in time. Never let them not be."
This is the voice I hear but don't want to listen to as it leaves the most guilt.


I set the glass down in the sill of the window
and study how the rays bend and burn on the far wall
all bright and hot.
I know they can never become fixed;
it's an impossible task for such energy to stop and focus
and I wonder if a writer, a true writer, should possess this focus.
"This is what I fear, if I am being honest with myself."
I try and be as honest as I can with myself
but it scares me that the writers I most look up to
ended their own lives...and for what reason?
"It's the moving on and leaving nothing to show for it but a dried up puddle,"
I say out loud as if I've arrived at this point before
and forgotten all about it.

Prince Avalanche

I want to keep this simple.
Prince Avalanche is a 2013 movie starring Paul Rudd and Emile Hirsch.

Why you might be interested in watching Prince Avalanche:
-Interested in watching a film that showcases the life of a simple man, in a simple environment, that explains the difference between being "lonely" and "alone" to a young teenager that just wants to have sex with girls and party?
-The colors are crisp. It's not all too often that colors in a movie pop out as much this.
-It has the perfect amount of silence, letting the scenery talk. It reminded me of Cast Away and who doesn't love that movie?
-Paul Rudd explores a different side of his acting abilities. Of course he still weaves in some of classic Rudd, but within the character's restriction.
-I know I said the word "simple" already but that's the best word to use to describe many elements to the movie. Like the plot (not a whole lot happens and it's wonderful). And how many actors get screen time. 

Things that could have been different:
-Only one thing bothered me, and that was how much Emile's character needed to convey the polar opposite teenage archetype attitudes, compared to the older Rudd character. This is not something major, and only came to my attention once or twice during the film.
-The old man. He was either a bad actor or I simply didn't get his character.

The move is on Netflix right now and it's worth your time.